


Blinking against the Distance

by haldoor



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Angst, Blow Jobs, M/M, Porn With Plot, Rimming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-02
Updated: 2012-08-06
Packaged: 2017-11-11 06:32:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/475591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haldoor/pseuds/haldoor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><b>Warnings/Spoilers:</b> Some spoilers up to and including 2.14<br/><b>Disclaimer:</b> I have no rights; I make no money<br/><b>Beta:</b> The always willing and able <span class="ljuser i-ljuser"><a href="http://siluria.livejournal.com/profile"><img class="i-ljuser-userhead"/></a><a class="i-ljuser-username" href="http://siluria.livejournal.com/"><b>siluria</b></a></span>.  Without your encouragement and help, this would not be half the story it is, my dear.  Also thanks to <span class="ljuser i-ljuser"></span><a href="http://kaige68.livejournal.com/profile"><img class="i-ljuser-userhead"/></a><a class="i-ljuser-username" href="http://kaige68.livejournal.com/"><b>kaige68</b></a> for being so supportive!<br/><b>Summary:</b> Steve finds himself getting in over his head when he meets Adam Noshimuri with a view to finding out more about the Yakuza's involvement with his mother's death and about the mysterious Shelburne.<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> This was written during and after Adam Noshimuri's initial appearance in S2 – up to and including S2.14; all the action takes place around that time. I have altered canon in several places to make this story work, so consider it an AU, although small scenes from the show do make an appearance from time to time. Apologies to anyone who likes canon to remain as it appears on the show.

The knock on the door startled Steve, and he turned to give his guest a wide-eyed look before slowly getting up to answer it. He purposely kept the door half-closed as soon as he realized who was on his doorstep, and smiled crookedly at Chin.

"Hey Steve."

"Hey, brah, what's up?" Steve tried not to look back over his shoulder.

Chin looked like he had something serious to say, but Steve wasn't about to let him inside right now. The way Chin dropped his eyes made Steve frown. The man was getting married in a few days; surely he wasn't having second thoughts? When he finally looked back up, Steve thought he got it, and opened his mouth to say something, the frown still creasing his brows as he let his eyes shift in such a way that Chin could hardly fail to understand that he wasn't alone.

Chin waved his words away and shook his head. "Never mind. I just..." He hesitated, and Steve felt his stomach drop. He wasn't going to bring up old memories now, was he? "Look, it's cool, I get it."

Steve slipped further out the door and shut it behind him, coming close enough to put a hand on Chin's shoulder as he turned him away from the door. "We've both moved on, right? I mean, everything's cool with you and Malia, right? You're not getting... cold feet now, are you?"

"No, no; nothing like that, brah. I just wanted to make sure you're okay with... things, but hey, if you've got someone here..." Chin gestured unevenly, and gave Steve a look. One Steve recognized from long ago and that he hadn't expected now, of all times.

"I'm good, Chin. Honestly." He managed a smile, and hoped it was reassuring enough.

Chin's expression evened out and he offered a smile and nod in reply. "I'll get going then."

He didn't move though, and Steve wondered what he was waiting for. He raised an eyebrow in question and patted the shoulder he hadn't let go of yet.

"Be careful, Steve."

"Careful?" Steve wasn't sure what Chin was getting at.

"You are happy for me? You're okay with being my Best Man, aren't you? I mean... I know it's not my business any more, but I saw the way you..." He hesitated, his brows creasing again as Steve let go of him.

"The way I what?"

"Nah, look, forget it. You're a grown man and I'm not your..." Chin stopped, his eyes dropping again, like he didn't want to finish the sentence.

"Chin, I've never held it against you. You and Malia; you're made for each other. What we had was good, but we both knew it wasn't what either of us was looking for long-term. I'm honored that you asked me to be Best Man; really, I am."

Steve put his hand back on Chin's shoulder, feeling the quiet strength there that he had always admired. He smiled genuinely into Chin's eyes when he finally raised them once more.

"I couldn't ever regret any of it, but I don't want you to feel guilty. I'm totally fine with things. Don't ruin what you have going now because of some imagined sense of responsibility towards me. The friendship we have means more to me than you can possibly know, and I don't expect you to keep worrying about what might have been; I'm not." He could only hope Chin got that, because it was true.

"Then you..." Chin gestured to the closed door behind him. "That's not... because of me?"

"What?" Steve started guiltily, thinking about the man inside, waiting for him. "No; no... It's not like that." He couldn't tell Chin what was going on; not yet anyway.

"Good. Because you deserve some happiness too. I want that for you. Just... be sure, and be careful, won't you?"

Steve narrowed his eyes, squeezing Chin's shoulder. "You said that before; what do you mean? I'm not... it's not what you're thinking."

"That's not who I think in there, then?"

Steve felt his heart speed up, and he dropped his hand away once more. "Who do you think it is?"

"Adam Noshimuri."

"What?" Steve's eyes widened. How could Chin know that?

Chin held up his hands in apology. "Hey, I'm sorry if I'm off base. It's just... I saw how you two looked at each other today. I knew that look and I thought... but if you say it's not him, then I'm sorry. I read it wrong; it wouldn't be the first time."

Steve couldn't speak. He swallowed hard as Chin went down the steps and turned back to wave to him before he disappeared into the darkness. He reappeared a few seconds later beside his car as he opened the door and the interior light came on. Chin's smile looked a lot less worried than Steve felt as he started the car and pulled away.

Once the car was gone, Steve turned, taking a few steadying breaths as he reached for the door and opened it.

A low laugh greeted him. "You have a thing for Asian men."

Steve couldn't even smile as he met Adam's sparkling dark eyes. "You weren't supposed to hear any of that."

Adam stretched an arm across the back of the sofa and crossed one elegant leg over the other. "Your walls are thinner than you think. Is that the real reason you wanted to see me?"

Steve could feel the heat in his face as he sat down in the chair, and hoped his flush wasn't as obvious as it felt. "No. I asked you here because I hoped you could tell me more about your father's business dealings. That perhaps we could help each other."

Adam's look was frankly appraising, as if now he knew the truth about Steve, he was seeing things differently. "You don't think the two are mutually exclusive, do you?"

Steve had felt the undercurrent vaguely before, but ignored it, assuming it was just his own attraction to Adam that had made him wonder. Suddenly, it didn't seem so much undercurrent as waves on the surface.

It took him a moment to answer, and he was already starting to stand up as he spoke. "No."

Adam was on his feet too, and covering the ground between them like it didn't exist. The first touch was as electric as any Steve had ever felt, and the unbridled need in Adam's eyes surely matched his own. It had been months since Steve had done anything with another man, and quite clearly neither of them was about to take it slowly.

Clothes were discarded as they clashed, strength equally matched, and the indelicate dance up the stairs took about twice as long as seemed reasonable to Steve. They were naked by the time his back hit the mattress, and Adam's teeth found his neck as he landed on top of Steve.

Steve let out a grunt of desire, bucking up against Adam as he tried to knock him off and twist around so he was on top. Adam wasn't letting up though, and what shouldn't have been such a turn-on had Steve giving up and pulling him nearer, letting Adam's cock slide into the juncture of thigh and torso as he tightened his legs against Adam's body.

Adam growled and attacked his mouth, rolling his hips into the motion Steve had started. "I want to fuck you."

"I don't have anything," Steve got out breathlessly as Adam sucked hard on his pulse point, still grinding into him. "I'm not..."

"...that kind of boy?" Adam laughed into his neck, pulling away enough to smile into his eyes.

Steve was beyond help. He wanted this even though he knew it was all kinds of stupid to trust this man. He understood what Chin had been trying to say to him, but he couldn't stop himself; he'd known that as soon as he realized that Adam wanted him too.

"This doesn't change anything," he muttered, pulling Adam into another heated kiss.

Adam didn't argue. When he pulled out of the kiss, he mouthed along Steve's jaw, his hands pushing Steve's away as he torturously made his way downwards. Steve's breathing was short by the time Adam's mouth found his cock, and he groaned, closing his eyes as he clutched at the man's dark hair, remembering another time, some months back with another similarly dark-haired man.

~//~

Steve didn't expect Adam to stay afterwards, but he flopped off Steve exhaustedly and lay back, wrapping his arms up and around the spare pillow before glancing over to Steve curiously.

Coming down from his own high, Steve couldn't do much other than stare back while he regained his breath.

"You always fool around with your father's... enemies… like this?" Adam asked, eventually.

Steve cracked a sly grin at that. "You admit it, then? You knew what _your_ father was doing?"

“Some of it. But you didn’t answer my question.”

“You know I don’t. Are you going to help me?”

“If you’ll help me find my father.”

Steve nodded. It was worth it if Adam could give him information that would lead him to Shelburne.

Adam smiled and shifted closer, leaning over Steve to kiss him softly. “And there will be more of this.” It wasn’t a question.

Kissing him back, Steve wrapped a hand around Adam’s neck. A second round wasn’t completely out of the question right now, the way he was feeling.

Adam drew back, reluctance in his eyes as he moved off the bed. “I’d stay, but I’m expected elsewhere.”

Steve didn’t want to ask what that meant, but he was glad in a way. Much as having another body in the bed for a whole night would have been good, he didn’t trust Adam enough for that… yet. He didn’t even want to think about allowing things to progress beyond sex at this point.

He sat up, watching as Adam found what few items of his clothing that had made it into the bedroom and slipped into them.

“I have some connections that I can check first thing,” Adam said, his eyes roaming hungrily over Steve’s face and chest. “What was that name again?”

“Shelburne.” Steve shifted out of bed too, and pulled on boxers and a nearby t-shirt. “I’ll walk you out.”

Adam’s mouth quirked into a half-smile. “You will be looking for my father tomorrow, won’t you?”

A sliver of pain at the reminder of how his own father had finished his life dug into Steve’s heart. Much as he didn’t trust Adam, he had to keep his end of the bargain. “I’ll do everything I can.”

Mostly dressed by the time they reached the door, Adam stopped and turned to reach out a hand to touch Steve’s chest. “That was good. Next time I’ll bring something.”

He wasn’t Danny, nor even Chin, but Steve couldn’t help himself. “What, like flowers?”

Adam laughed, dropping his hand. “I’ll see you.”

Steve nodded, opening the door. Adam offered him one last half-smile as he turned away and headed out. For the second time that night, Steve watched a man leave him, with more than a little worry in his heart.

~//~


	2. Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some unusual behaviour from Steve has Danny and Chin concerned; and later, Steve visits Adam Noshimuri at his house.

"What's he doing here?" Chin asked, screwing up his eyes in question.

"Who?" Danny craned his neck to see, and Steve's heart sped up. He tried not to let it show, keeping his movements deliberately slow as he straightened up from where they'd been studying the car that a body they thought might be Hiro Noshimuri's had been found.

"Adam Noshimuri," Chin told Danny, glancing at Steve with a frown. 

"He's the guy you ran into the other day asking about his father, right?"

Steve nodded but said nothing, finally looking towards Adam as the man picked his way across the trash-strewn lot where the car with the body had turned up.

"How did he know to come here?" Chin asked.

"I called him," Steve admitted.

"You what?" Danny gave Steve an incredulous look. "Why would you invite the man's son here?"

Steve scowled at Danny and ignored Chin's raised eyebrow. "I know what it's like to lose someone like this. He asked for my help to find his father, and he deserves to know what happened."

" _We_ don't even know what happened, Steve. It may not even be Noshimuri; the body's a mess. What were you thinking?" Danny looked ready to start a rant, but Steve just shook his head and headed in Adam's direction, uncaring what Danny or Chin might be thinking.

"Adam. I'm sorry it turned out like this; I've had people asking questions everywhere since you asked me to find him. I… I hoped it wouldn't end like this."

"Steve." Adam looked haggard, but still more attractive than he had a right to. "I knew as soon as you called; before that, if I'm honest. He would… he would have been in touch before if he was alive. Do you have any leads?" 

His voice sounded shaky, and Steve flicked a glance back at his team and the crime scene investigators with them, wondering if he'd done the right thing. "No, nothing yet, although we've got some items of interest from the car. Hopefully, we can trace something from them. I… " He stopped, unsure what he could say to ease Adam's obvious pain, though the man was trying to be stoic.

"What?" Adam swallowed and gazed over Steve's shoulder. "Anything I can help with?"

"That's not his car, is it? I'm not sure you need to get any closer."

"No, it's not. Have they… taken his body away already?"

Steve nodded. "A few minutes before you arrived. Look… maybe I shouldn't have called you so soon. He hasn't been positively identified yet. I… it's not normal procedure to inform the next of kin by telephone, and I was out of line."

Adam shook his head. "Don't worry about it. I asked you to call as soon as you knew anything, and you didn't tell me; I guessed. You wouldn't have kept me away anyhow. I more or less forced you to tell me where. But… if they've taken him away, I should…" Adam stopped, pushing his hair back against the breeze. He blinked several times and turned his eyes skyward for a few moments before focusing back on Steve.

"I'm sorry," Steve murmured, pain filling his chest. He wasn't sure if it was because of the reminder of his own father's death or sympathy for Adam in his distress. He put a hand on Adam's shoulder, frowning as he squeezed lightly.

Adam nodded at him and looked away again. "Where… where have they taken him? I'll have to identify him, won't I?"

Steve wished like hell he could spare the man from having to do that, but he was right. "Shriner's Hospital. Take your time. I… I'll gather whatever we find and call you later, okay?"

Adam nodded again, and then licked his lips. "You'll come by? I'd like it if you did."

"Are you sure?" Steve took his hand back and looked over his shoulder. Chin and Danny were on the other side of the car, talking about something Danny had in his hand, but they were watching him, although they were trying not to be obvious. Steve knew, though. They probably wondered what on earth he was pulling. God forbid that they should work it out, although he had a sinking feeling that Chin wasn't fooled. He turned back as Adam replied.

"I'm sure. My family are… not exactly the warm and friendly sort, and I'll be alone tonight. Someone might come from Japan tomorrow but… please?"

Steve nodded. He wasn't sure it was wise, but considering the man's anguish, he didn't see how he could refuse. He hoped Adam wasn't going to regret it, or worse still, decide this was somehow Steve's fault. 

He hadn't told Adam about Joe's involvement with Hiro's disappearance, and while Steve didn't think Joe had had anything to do with Noshimuri's death – if it _was_ him – he still had a lingering fear that he might have. The car the body was found in wasn't Joe's, but that didn't mean anything. Despite all Steve knew about Joe, too much was still unexplained, and he was beginning to get a bad feeling about the whole Shelburne thing, especially Joe's part in what had happened so far.

"I need to get back to things, Adam, okay? Go home if you need to before you go to the morgue. I'll let them know to expect you for the ID." 

He wanted to touch Adam again, but he didn't dare with Chin's eyes so watchful in the distance. Danny was way too observant too – he had to have already worked out there was more than a little strangeness to Steve's behavior today.

"Thank you, Steve. I… I'll talk to you later." Adam turned away, the sag of his shoulders making him seem smaller as he made his way back towards the road.

Steve watched him get into his car, brows creased and heart heavy. He didn't even hear Danny until he spoke behind him, making him jump.

"A rough way to find out your father might be dead, huh? Although…"

"Yeah," Steve managed, his heart thumping.

Danny just looked at him for a moment, like he was figuring out what was going through Steve's head. "You wanna find some coffee or something?"

"I'm okay, Danny. Let's just finish up here."

Danny raised an eyebrow, and then scratched the side of his nose, looking away. "It's bound to bring up memories, Steve. You don't have to pretend with me. If you need some time…"

"I don't need any time, Danny. I'm fine." Steve scowled at Danny and stomped back in the direction of the car where Chin and the crime scene investigators were still busy with something.

Chin stood up as Steve approached, exchanging some kind of look with Danny over his shoulder that Steve ignored. "Have you got something?"

Chin threw him a concerned look, but didn't say anything about what had just taken place. "Yeah, looks like the murder weapon might be something we've seen before."

~//~ 

The explosion in the car, it turned out, was so similar to the way Laura Hills was killed that it couldn't be coincidence. Wo Fat had to be responsible. Steve frowned in thought as he drove towards Adam Noshimuri's home in the dark. But why would he kill Hiro Noshimuri? Weren't they on the same side?

Steve parked the truck and climbed out, unsurprised at the sight of the bodyguard at the door. He wondered how this was going to work, but he kept that to himself as he nodded at the man and told him his name. Surprisingly, he was ushered inside without question, and then Adam appeared from a room at one side, looking immaculate and relaxed in cream trousers and a deep blue shirt. He was barefoot, and Steve couldn't help glancing at his long, elegant feet before meeting his eyes.

Not quite so relaxed then: there were lines around his eyes that gave away the strain.

"Commander McGarrett. Come through." Adam gestured for Steve to go into the room he'd just exited and turned towards the heavy. "That will be all for tonight, Jin Lee. You can leave after you've turned the alarms on."

Jin Lee gave Steve a dark look, but nodded and disappeared somewhere behind them.

Steve looked at Adam, unsure.

"Don't worry, Steve. He's loyal to me, and although he may have his suspicions, he knows nothing about us."

Steve nodded, his frown deepening as Adam gestured again. He followed the direction indicated and found himself in a comfortable, spacious living area with a view out over a lanai leading to a private beach. Moonlight made it beautiful, although it was obvious it would be perfect any time of the day or night.

"Have a seat. Would you like a drink?"

Steve nodded as he sat down on the wide, black leather couch. 

"Wine all right?" Adam moved behind a small bar in one corner and pulled a bottle of something out of a chiller behind it.

"Yes. How did it go?"

Adam poured two tall glasses and came over to hand one to Steve before sitting in the matching armchair opposite.

"You probably already know the body was unrecognizable." Adam tried to smile but his tension was showing. "They'll match records if they can and let me know more in a day or two."

"I'm sorry. I should have waited before I called you. I just… I know how it was when my own father…"

Adam nodded and took a sip from his glass. Steve breathed out slowly and drank too.

"This is good. Thank you. Your family are coming anyway?"

"No. I didn't call them in the end. There seemed little point until we're sure. It may not even be him."

Steve swallowed more wine and looked about nervously. "Your home is beautiful."

"It's temporary… or was to be, but now…" Adam sipped more wine and then put down his glass. "I haven't found anything that mentions Shelburne."

Steve's frown deepened and he nodded again. "Don't worry about that right now."

"Thank you. But I'm not sure I can help you at all, Steve."

Steve licked his lip and studied the expression in Adam's eyes. There was a hunger there, even with the obvious pain he was seeing. "It doesn't matter. Not now. Until we know if this body belongs to your father…"

Adam moved suddenly, but there was nothing awkward in it. He removed the glass from Steve's hand and placed it beside his own on the table between them, then came over and sat down close beside Steve.

"I need you tonight." Adam's kiss was gentle, but there was a desperation behind it that Steve couldn't help responding to. One arm wound around the man's back and Steve's other hand found Adam's jaw line and followed it back up into his hair, his fingers stroking the silky strands. Adam's hands went inside Steve's jacket and began to tug at his shirt.

Steve drew back, suddenly remembering Jin Lee. "Your man; he will have left?"

Adam smiled, hands still at work. "Don't worry; he left through the rear. I heard his car."

Steve hadn't heard anything, but he'd been pre-occupied. He nodded and wrapped his hands around the sides of Adam's face, watching his eyes. "You're sure about this?"

"I was sure the first time I saw you; no matter what you think my father's done."

For a moment, Steve thought he should stop; that leaving now before things got any deeper between them was probably the better idea, but then Adam's lips parted slightly and he was gone. Pulling the man closer, he kissed him again; deeper this time, allowing their mutual need to enflame his passion.

His shirt was off and Adam was biting at his pulse point before Steve could think on whether a bed might be a better place for this. Both of them were achingly hard and panting with need when Adam finally got out sensible words.

"We should… take this to the bedroom. I have… things there."

Steve couldn't even answer, but he nodded, allowing himself to be drawn to his feet. Adam kissed him again, and then tucked a hand into the waistband of Steve's cargoes and practically dragged him out of the living room. Steve didn't resist, and groaned as Adam's fingers found a sensitive place on his abdomen.

Once in the bedroom, Adam wasted no more time before helping Steve divest himself of the rest of his clothes. His own clothing fell off easily, and then they were rolling on the bed. Adam was not as muscular as Steve, but his body turned Steve on, and his cock… Steve slid down the man's torso, engulfing the heated firmness in his mouth like he'd been waiting for it all day – and perhaps he had.

Adam's breathing was erratic and his fingers threaded through Steve's short hair as he moved over Adam, bobbing up and down on his hardness. Pressing his own cock into the bedding to gain some friction, Steve moaned around his mouthful.

"Come… come up here," Adam muttered, tugging at him. "I want to be inside you when I… when I come."

Steve drew off the damp cock slowly, his eyes on the darkness in Adam's as moved upward. He didn't usually give in to other men so easily, but something about this one made him want it so much that his insides were already spasming. 

Adam reached for a drawer next to the bed and dug out what they needed before leaning in for another kiss, his hand sliding over Steve's stomach like silk, and making his cock throb.

"Turn over?" Adam licked at Steve's neck, and then met his eyes. "On second thought… your eyes. I want to see your eyes when I make you come."

Steve didn't know what Adam saw in his eyes, but he wasn't about to argue. Adam's were so dark now he couldn't see where the irises ended and his pupils began, and it excited him to know he'd caused it.

Adam's hand slid further south and Steve let his legs fall open. Adam paused long enough to pour lube on his fingers, and wrapped his other hand around the back of Steve's shoulders as his digits sought entrance. Steve took a deep breath, letting it out slowly as Adam's slim finger slid inside him. It felt cool, but electric. It had been some time for Steve and the foreignness of it made him gasp, but Adam smiled, mumbling something unintelligible as he watched Steve's expression and started sliding the finger in and out. 

Another finger and Steve was letting out little noises, and then Adam curled both digits, seeking the pleasure point within easily. Steve bucked into the touch, his cock bobbing in the air wildly. "Please…"

"Oh yes," Adam whispered, removing his fingers swiftly and reaching for the condom packet he'd dropped.

It only took a minute, but it still seemed too long to Steve until Adam shifted over him properly, pushing his thighs further apart and nudging his cock where Steve needed it. Steve reached for himself, holding around the base of his cock to stave off orgasm – Adam's nimble fingers had pushed him too close too quickly – and groaning as Adam slid home.

"So hot, so tight," Adam murmured, holding himself up over Steve and gazing into his eyes like he was reading something important in their depths.

"Oh God…" Steve blasphemed, rocking underneath him. "I need… please… please move!"

Adam's smile widened and he held still a moment longer, and then he was moving in exactly the right rhythm. Steve closed his eyes, stroking himself in time to Adam's perfect actions.

"Open your eyes," Adam demanded, though his voice was still soft. "Let me see what you're feeling."

Steve obeyed, body and hand still moving. He reached up with his other hand, cupping Adam's jaw. Squeezing his inner muscles, he was rewarded by a low groan and a deeper thrust from Adam.

"Yes, perfect…" Adam managed as he did it again, and then the pumping sped up.

They were both making wordless erotic sounds as first Steve and then Adam found their peak. Steve's come spurted thickly onto his hand and Adam's belly, and Adam's grin widened as he rocked through the aftershocks.

Steve couldn't close his eyes now, and he pumped his hand a few more times, his sensitive organ pulsing as he came slowly down. Adam collapsed on him, his hand sliding to the bedding, mouthing his jaw and neck as he turned Steve's face, seeking his lips. They stayed joined as they kissed, slack-mouthed and sloppy, for a few moments.

Wrapping his hands around Adam's back, Steve shut his eyes now, heart thumping against the sticky chest echoing the beat back at him. God, he hadn't felt so damned alive in months.

Adam kissed him once more, running fingers over Steve's eyelids, and then drew back, shifting away to dispose of the condom. 

Steve swallowed hard, turning his face away, and wishing like hell he didn't have to go now. But it would be foolish to stay; much as his body ached to remain wrapped up in Adam.

"Hey," Adam's voice was deeper than it had been, and the heat of his body against Steve's side felt so damned good.

"I should go," Steve got out, though he didn't move, nor look at Adam.

"Stay? Please?" The sheer loneliness of the tone made Steve open his eyes and turn to meet Adam's eyes.

"You sure you want that?" Steve asked. It was already beginning to feel like it was too late.

"You want it too, don't you?" Adam didn't look certain, and Steve found that strangely alluring from someone so effortlessly and normally self-assured.

He nodded and pulled Adam closer.

~//~ 

Steve's cell phone went off early, and he blinked awake, frowning at the unfamiliar ceiling above him. Remembering at last, guilt spread through his body as he turned to confirm who was in the bed next to him. 

Adam stirred but didn't open his eyes yet.

Steve swallowed hard, and then moved quickly out of the bed, still as naked as when he'd entered it, fishing around the floor for his pants to find his phone. 

"McGarrett." He sat down on the edge of the mattress carefully, glancing over his shoulder nervously.

Adam half-opened his eyes and smiled, but there was tension in him, like he knew the call was about his father.

"I'll be right there," Steve said into the phone after he'd been told what he needed to know. He pulled his pants nearer and got one foot in before Adam spoke.

"Is it about… my father?"

Steve licked his lips, facing away from Adam, and dragged his cargoes up his legs. "No," he lied. "New case. I'm needed."

"You'll let me know if you hear anything?"

"Of course." Nodding, Steve hesitated, torn between wanting to kiss Adam and get out before he said anything he shouldn't. He'd already made that mistake once, and wasn't about to again.

Adam sat up, reaching for Steve's wrist as he bent for his shoes. Steve let Adam draw him nearer, returning his kiss softly before pulling away, regret in his heart. He shouldn't have let this happen.

"I'll let myself out."

Adam nodded at him, lying back against the pillows as Steve shot him one last nervous look and left the room.

Within minutes he was in his car, fully dressed and on his way to HPD.

~//~


	3. Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve frees Joe White from Adam's place; he learns the truth about what happened to Adam's father and feels he has to let him know Hiro's not dead.

The next forty-eight hours were crazier than usual. With Joe being taken in for questioning about Hiro Noshimuri's death and then Adam finding out, things were tense all around. And later, the results came back on the body they'd found; some lesser member of the Yakuza that had annoyed one too many people – including Wo Fat, going by the M.O. – though they might never know exactly what he'd done for sure.

Danny, Chin and even Kono seemed to be treating Steve with kid gloves; like if they said one wrong thing he'd lose it. Steve was keeping it together pretty well, in his opinion, and they had no need to be so wary, but it didn't make it any better.

By the time he showed up at Adam Noshimuri's to find Joe tied up in a chair, he was in the zone; cool and distant enough to deal with the situation as he would have done any other time he found his superior officer in such a position. The fact that the man he'd slept with was the one dealing out the pain didn't stop him doing what he needed to defuse the situation either. 

The look Adam gave him as he and Joe left the house sent a stab of remorse through Steve's chest, but he didn't stop until he and Joe had placed enough distance from the scene for him to feel that Joe was safe – for now, at least.

"Hiro Noshimuri isn't dead, Steve. I helped him fake his death." 

The words rang in Steve's ears after Joe got out of the truck and walked away. He was too angry to follow, and wasn't sure he would get any kind of answer to the questions he wanted to ask, in any case.

Sitting still where he was, Steve stared for some minutes at the spot where Joe had disappeared into the darkness, trying to wrap his head around this new information. He'd always trusted Joe; believed him to be one of the good guys, but this didn't make any kind of sense. 

Eventually, he knew he'd have to move; he could hardly stay there all night. A frown still creasing his forehead, Steve let out a breath and shook his head, restarting the truck and pulling away from where he'd stopped. He knew he probably shouldn't go back to Adam's, considering the sort of welcome he'd probably receive now, but he found himself heading there anyway.

He paused at the door, hand up to knock, having second thoughts. Adam's heavies were nowhere to be seen, but that didn't mean they wouldn't be inside, ready to grab Steve the second he entered. Cursing softly under his breath at his uncharacteristic fear, he finally rapped sharply.

To his surprise, Adam himself opened the door, his face tightening when he saw who it was. "You have a nerve coming back here."

"I'm sorry," Steve offered, the sting of Joe's abandonment sharpening his words. "I came to let you know your father's not dead."

Adam licked his lips slowly, looking away for a second before focusing back on Steve. There was a vulnerability behind the cautious expression that still managed to surprise Steve. "Are you sure?"

Nodding, Steve glanced behind himself and took a step forward. "Can I come in?"

Adam hesitated a moment, like he still doubted Steve's intentions.

"Please?"

Adam waved him in at last and shut the door behind him. "Where is he?"

Steve shook his head. "I can't answer that. I just know he's not dead. I'll do what I can to find out more, but that's all I know right now."

"Joe White told you this?" Adam tilted his head, scowling. "I could have found out more by now, if you'd left him with me."

"You know I couldn't do that. I have a better chance of finding out the truth this way." Steve wasn't sure he believed that himself right at this moment, but he had to hope Joe would come around. "I'll let you know as soon as I have more information."

Adam looked away, sighing loudly and running a hand through his hair. As he had been the other night when Steve had slept with him, he was wearing only light slacks and a silken shirt, the first couple of buttons undone, and his feet were bare. A pang of desire ran through Steve at the memory.

"I should go." It was the last thing he wanted to do, but Adam wasn't likely to invite him upstairs again right now. But the look Adam turned on him made Steve's heart speed up. It was full of hurt and confusion, and Steve felt compelled to offer some kind of apology. "I'm sorry. I wouldn't have turned the gun on you if I'd seen another way. I had to... Joe's like family to me, Adam."

"Family? Your father's dead, and mine is..." Adam paused, his screwing up in pain. "How can I believe you? You understand how this feels, don't you? If he's really dead, you should just tell me now. If Joe White killed him..." The pain turned to anger. "I _will_ kill him."

"He didn't kill him, Adam." Steve put a hand on Adam's arm; it was rigid with tension. "I _know_ he didn't. Don't ask me how I know; I just do. Joe has been holding things back from me, but he wouldn't lie to me outright. I believe your father is still alive, and I promise I will find out where he is." Steve put every bit of truth he could into his eyes, hoping Adam would see it there. "I _won't_ lie to you."

Adam smiled, his expression still tight, and dropped his eyes to look at Steve's hand where it touched him. "Thank you."

Removing his hand, Steve watched Adam for a moment longer. The realization dawned on him that Adam was holding himself together by the barest thread. He seemed incapable of more speech, and Steve wondered if he would be as together in Adam's place. He'd almost lost it when his own father was killed.

"I'll call you as soon as I get something concrete," Steve finally said, moving towards the door.

The whisper was so light he almost didn't hear it. "Don't go."

Turning, Steve saw the glistening of Adam's eyes, and a part of him knew he'd be foolish to stay – that leaving now was the sensible option – but another part of him knew how alone he'd felt on the end of that telephone call with Hess, when he'd hoped like hell the gunshot didn't mean what he knew it did, and how completely alone Adam had to be feeling now.

His feet moved him towards Adam without his permission. Opening his arms in question, he could see his hands shaking. This was so wrong, but he couldn't stop it. Adam moved into the circle he'd created and held on tight. Steve closed his eyes as he pulled the man nearer, one hand around his back and the other stroking through his soft, dark hair. 

Adam seemed less assured this time as they made their way to his bedroom, but Steve didn't mind. He took the lead, kissing him gently and studying the emotions swirling in Adam's dark eyes as he slowly removed first his own clothes and then helped Adam with his. Backing him towards the wide bed, Steve lifted one side of his mouth in a smile, but said nothing as Adam lowered himself down at the touch of Steve's hand and allowed him to climb over his body on the mattress.

Adam swallowed hard and, lifting a hand to touch Steve's hair hesitantly, watched soundlessly as Steve kissed his way across the smooth skin of his chest and circled a nipple with his tongue. Looking up at Adam's face as he did so, Steve had another moment of doubt, but knew that stopping now they'd got this far wasn't fair to either of them. What difference did it really make? They'd already slept together twice, and pulling away in guilt wouldn't make either of them feel any better. They both obviously wanted this; two erections couldn't lie well enough to make Steve believe otherwise.

Lowering his eyes against the darkness of Adam's emotions, Steve concentrated on what he was doing; licking and sucking at very responsive wide brown nipples. Adam bucked under him at one firm nip and Steve shot him another glance, satisfied that Adam was beginning to relax under his touch. Shifting downward, he kissed and licked at the skin beneath his mouth, even more turned on by the man's taste, and determined to make both of them forget where they were for at least a short time.

By the time he covered Adam's cock with his mouth, Adam was digging his fingers through Steve's hair and into his skull, but Steve didn't care. Swirling his tongue around the silky glans as he suckled gently, Steve ran a finger under Adam's balls, scratching lightly at his perineum. He wondered if Adam would open up to him, and slid his finger closer to the man's asshole, circling delicately to test the waters. Adam shifted, his legs opening wider, and Steve took that as an indication he could go ahead. 

Taking more of the man's cock into his mouth and beginning to move on it rhythmically, he pulled the finger away from its target for a moment, sliding it into his mouth next to Adam's dick to moisten it, and then returned it to where it had been. He let his eyes drift upward, judging Adam's readiness by the expression on his face, and pressing his digit inward as he sucked more firmly.

Still watching Adam, Steve smiled around his mouthful as Adam let out a near-silent gasp and gripped his head tighter. The heat and tightness of the smooth channel Steve's finger was sliding into made his own cock twitch, and he sped up the movement of this mouth, matching the rhythm to what he was doing elsewhere. 

Tapping Adam's prostate produced pleasing results: Adam let out a low groan and squeezed down hard against Steve's finger, and then he was bucking against Steve's mouth, almost gagging him. Thankfully, Steve was prepared and drew back a little, easing off on the sucking before pulling the finger out enough to insert a second one inside with it. Flicking his tongue against Adam's frenulum, he delved with the digits again, and then swallowed him deeper as Adam lifted his hips and let go of Steve's hair.

Adam scrabbled for a hold in the sheets as Steve's mouth and fingers brought him to the edge, and let out another low groan as his hot come burst onto Steve's tongue. Steve swallowed convulsively and pulsed his fingers a few last times inside Adam, then slowly drew off his diminishing erection and removed his fingers from the still-spasming muscles. Licking the last of Adam's seed from his lips, Steve studied Adam's sated body with a smile as he climbed up to offer him another kiss.

"You needed that."

Adam managed a tired smile back at him, but didn't seem to have regained the power of speech just yet. 

Steve's own need was making him rock, but he didn't want to presume. "Can I?"

Adam nodded, lifting a hand to stroke through Steve's hair – the gentleness completely opposite from how roughly he'd grabbed it before – and studied Steve's face as he reached to the drawer Adam had found the condom and lube in last time. Steve wasn't sure how to interpret the tenderness, and smiled uncertainly down at Adam before kissing him. He let his desire build, deepening the kiss and closing his eyes so he didn't have to face the naked emotion he was seeing in Adam's expression.

After a few more minutes of hot, wet kisses, Steve had to draw away; if he kept it up much longer he was going to lose it without even putting the condom on. 

"It's okay," he felt compelled to reassure the man under him, shifting away far enough to tear into the packet and maneuver the rubber onto his dick. Adam nodded and then let Steve push him over onto his stomach; he didn't think he could look into Adam's eyes at the moment.

Grabbing the tube of lube, Steve squeezed a generous amount onto his fingers, slopping some of it around his cock before sliding a finger down Adam's crack and re-entering his hole. Adam took a deep breath and spread his legs further apart, giving Steve room to pull his finger back out and surge back in with two.

"Yes…" Adam hissed, "Make me feel it."

After a little more preparation, Steve took his fingers away and shifted to cover Adam, propping himself up on one arm as he used the other hand to guide his cock to where his fingers had been. Groaning as he slid slowly into place, Steve curled over Adam, breathing wetly against the skin of the man's neck. Adam bucked up against him as he bottomed out, and Steve gulped air desperately at the motion, wrapping his hands around Adam's shoulders to steady himself. 

Adam pushed back at every thrust Steve made, forcing him to move faster. The slap of Adam's smooth ass-cheeks against his stomach sent waves of desire spiraling through him, and Steve scraped his teeth over the back of Adam's neck, growling his need wordlessly. Wanting to make it good for Adam but unable to move his hands, he altered his angle, hoping like hell he was hitting the spot he was aiming for.

Adam muttered something Steve didn't understand, but the low pitch was encouraging and his orgasm was building too quickly now to stop, no matter what Adam was saying. "Don't stop," Adam warned, his tone tipping Steve that final inch over the edge. 

"God!" Steve let out, jerking hard a few more times, gripping Adam's shoulders hard enough to bruise. 

Under him, Adam arched his back and Steve felt the man's muscles tighten around his cock as he thrust back into him one last time. Adam's breathing was hoarse, and he rocked harder than any boat on rough seas as he reached his second peak. He collapsed down into the bedding, breathing harshly, Steve still attached to his back.

Licking at the sweaty skin on the back of Adam's neck, Steve moved away shakily and disposed of the condom, sucking in air as he sat back down on the edge of the bed and turned to see how Adam was doing.

Adam was having difficulty getting enough air too, and he half-turned towards Steve, reaching out a hand to stroke it lazily down Steve's arm. The touch sent a shiver through Steve and he offered Adam an amazed smile before climbing back on the bed properly and kissing the man's perfect lips.

"I needed _that_ too," Adam said breathily, stroking Steve's jaw, "and I think you did as well."

Steve couldn't deny it. "Can I stay?" He hoped it didn't sound needy, but he couldn't stop himself from asking.

"I want you to," was all Adam answered, pulling him near, and struggling with him until they were both under the sheets.

Steve let out a long breath as his heart began to slow down to resting speed at last, closing his eyes and allowing Adam to pull him near. He was vaguely aware of Adam's soft breath against his skin as they both drifted into sleep.

~//~


	4. Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chin has some questions for Steve; Danny finds out who Steve's been seeing; and later, Joe gives Steve answers he needs to hear, but passing on the information means things are going to change and Steve's not sure he wants that.

The next morning, Steve slipped away before Adam woke, too raw with emotion at the vulnerability of the sleeping man's expression. How had he come to care for this man so quickly and so against his better judgment? He wasn't sure what he was getting himself into, and running away from Adam before he made any further foolish mistakes was essential.

After a quick trip home to shower and change, Steve headed for Five-0 headquarters. He put the coffee on in the break-room, and headed into his office to attend to paperwork he'd ignored before anyone else showed up.

It was a good forty minutes later, and Steve was on his third cup of coffee and scowling at his computer screen when Chin appeared in the doorway, arms crossed over his chest. He leaned against the doorjamb as Steve looked up at him, sure all of the activities he'd been involved in last night were written across his face.

"You okay?" Chin asked, studying him carefully.

"Yeah," Steve managed, dropping his eyes to frown once more at the onscreen form he was attempting to complete.

"I think…" 

Steve glanced up again, trying to remain casual. "What?"

Chin licked his lips and looked away. "What happened? With Joe?"

He'd known, as of course he would, that Steve would go looking for Joe last night.

"He wasn't at his apartment; but he… Adam Noshimuri had him; was trying to… question him. I dealt with it; got him away."

Chin narrowed his eyes as he turned his head to focus back on Steve. Uncrossing his arms, he came into the room properly and perched on the edge of Steve's desk, his lips parting like he was thinking of how to ask what else had happened.

"It's okay, Chin; everything's good. At least… Adam won't go after Joe again right now. He… Joe, that is… I'm not sure where he is, but… when I'm done here, I'm going to find him. I have to get some answers only he can give."

Chin nodded thoughtfully. "Why won't Adam go after him now?" 

"Because I asked him not to. I told him I'd find out what happened to his father."

"And Joe knows the answer to that?"

Steve nodded, not looking at Chin, and typed a couple more random words on the form in front of him.

"Do you know what you're doing with Adam?"

"I think so."

Chin sighed, tapping his thigh a few times. "Steve-"

"I'm a big boy, Chin. I can look after myself." He turned his eyes up to Chin's worried expression, his brow furrowed in determination.

"You can't blame me for thinking that dating him isn't a good idea."

"I'm not dating him!"

"Not dating who?"

The third voice startled both of them, and Steve's eyes widened as he and Chin both turned to look at Danny in the doorway. Neither of them had heard Danny approach.

Steve's mouth moved but no words came out as Chin and Danny looked at him. Chin he could take – he knew where he stood there – but Danny was a complete unknown on this score; he'd never discussed his interest in men with him before.

"You date guys?" Danny asked, a wary expression on his face as he stepped further into the room and folded his arms.

"I'm not dating him," Steve repeated, unable to find any other words over the thump of his heart.

Danny unfolded his arms again and turned to Chin, querying with his hands. "Who are we talking about here?"

Chin glanced back at Steve, not exactly asking permission, but certainly letting him know that now was a good time for him to admit things.

Steve stood up, warning in his own eyes as he returned the look. He still didn't speak, but his fists were clenched at his side.

"Adam Noshimuri," Chin finally said, not looking away from Steve. "That's how he knew about Joe."

Steve's eyes were drawn by Danny's confused headshake, though he looked back at Chin's tense expression again immediately. "I _stopped_ him from doing something stupid, Chin."

"By _sleeping_ with him?"

Danny backed up a step, his eyes going between Chin and Steve like he was watching a tennis match.

"It wasn't like that!"

"You might not be 'dating' him…" Chin emphasized the word carefully, "…but I notice you're not actually denying you slept with him."

Steve swallowed, raising his chin and looking down his nose, focusing away from either of the other two.

"He didn't…" Danny started, frowning at Chin, and then turned to Steve, incomprehension filling his eyes. "Did you?"

"I can't… I can't talk about it right now," Steve got out, throwing one last angry look at Chin as he pushed past Danny and got the hell out of there.

He was aware that Chin moved, holding Danny back from following him, and that he was saying something – God alone knew what – to Danny as Steve disappeared out the door, but he couldn't deal with whatever it was right now. It was bad enough he had this whole thing with Joe and Adam and his father – and however the hell Shelburne and Wo Fat were mixed up in all of it – to focus on, without having to deal with Danny finding out something he quite possibly didn't want to know about Steve. 

~//~

Steve went to find Joe. The whole explanation sounded so crazy that none of it made sense at first; Steve was so wound up from everything that had happened in the last few days that he almost couldn't take it all in. But at least Joe was talking; telling Steve what he needed to know and going some way to restoring his faith in the one person he'd always hoped wouldn't lead him astray.

"I have to tell Adam. He's out of his mind with worry, Joe. I can't… not tell him."

"Okay," Joe finally conceded. "But he can't contact his father. It would blow everything I've done to cover his tracks if anyone from the Yakuza knows where Hiro is." 

"Just one call? Surely… for Adam's peace of mind? He'll leave you alone if he gets that."

And to his surprise, Joe had finally agreed. That's how Steve found himself watching Adam speak to his father on a cell phone in the middle of nowhere late that night, swallowing hard at the emotion he could hear even in Japanese, though he only had the barest clue of what they were saying.

When they were done, Adam looked straight at him. "Thank you."

Steve couldn't say anything. He nodded and waited for Adam to speak again.

"I'm going back to the mainland. My father wants me to go on with my life as if… as if he is… gone."

Joe narrowed his eyes but said nothing yet, looking at Steve before focusing back on Adam. "That's probably a good thing."

Still incapable of words, Steve hoped like hell this wasn't going to be their last goodbye. But the look he exchanged with Adam seemed to imply there would be a private one later – one that Steve couldn't help but want to be temporary. Knowing he couldn't say anything right now, Steve turned away after Joe, not daring to glance back at Adam.

"It couldn't have gone on, Steve."

Steve caught up with Joe and frowned at him over the car. What did he mean?

Joe gave him a look he didn't understand and climbed into the vehicle. Steve ducked in on the passenger side, still scowling. "What couldn't?"

"You and Adam."

Steve's mouth fell open. "You know about that? How did…" He didn't know how to go on.

"Body language. And the looks between you spoke volumes. I understand why you're drawn to him, and no matter that we're basically on the same side now, it's not a good idea."

Steve turned to gaze out the front window of the car as Joe started it up. "I should have known you wouldn't approve." He knew his voice sounded cold.

"It's not that I disapprove of _you_ , Steve. God knows, you're a good man; you've been as close to a son to me…"

"But you don't… how long have you known?" Steve still couldn't look at Joe, and his cheeks felt hot, though he wasn't ashamed; he wouldn't let himself be. This is who he was; if Joe couldn't handle it, too bad.

"I had my suspicions about you some time ago, but… it's your business, son. You're a grown man. I didn't want you to have to explain anything; to feel like you disappointed me. Because you haven't; you do know that?"

Steve managed a glance in Joe's direction. "I hope I haven't. I disappointed my father enough."

"You never did, Steve. Your father was proud of you. Of the man you've become. 

"Don't get confused over the difference between me not wanting to see you in a relationship that could be dangerous – for both of you – and of me accepting who you are. It makes no difference to me if you prefer men; it's Adam Noshimuri in particular I have issues with. You have to understand that."

Steve nodded, studying Joe side-on as the man concentrated on driving. He had to admit that Joe's acceptance had lifted a weight off his shoulders, although he didn't think Joe was right about the danger his relationship with Adam posed. There was no way he could tell him that right now though.

At his house, Steve got out of the car and looked back in the window at Joe. "I… I don't know what to say right now, but… thank you." Steve hoped he knew what he was being thanked for.

Joe nodded and smiled at him, waiting until Steve straightened up before driving off without looking back. 

Steve waited until the car disappeared before going inside. That had been easier than the thing with Danny. He still wasn't sure how that would resolve; how they could go on being friends if Danny didn't accept him for who he really was. There was no way of knowing right now though; he'd heard from Chin that Danny was off helping deliver his ex-wife's baby. Steve drew in a shuddering breath, trying to put that whole situation out of his mind; he had enough to think of right now.

~//~


	5. Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adam comes to see Steve before he leaves for home; and later, Danny arrives after he's gone.

It was after midnight by the time Adam arrived, and Steve had been sitting on the couch, staring at the television with no idea what he was watching for the last hour or more. As soon as he heard the knock at the door he knew who it would be. Turning off the television, he opened the door without hesitation, something he didn't often do, especially this late at night.

He and Adam stared at each other for a few moments, and Steve could feel his heart thump nervously. He opened his mouth to speak, but Adam wrinkled his brow and shook his head, saying nothing. Unsure what he should say at this point, Steve nodded, glancing over the man's shoulder as he stood back to let him in, and then shut the door behind him.

Adam gave him a sad smile, and then they were in each other's arms, kissing like this was the end. Steve ran his hands up and down Adam's back, drawing him closer, _knowing_ it was the end.

By the time they pulled away from each other, they were both breathing hard, and Steve had to bite his lip to stop it trembling. He turned – still no words exchanged between them – and led the way upstairs. Adam followed silently and swiftly.

In the bedroom, Steve turned back to Adam, studying his deep brown eyes, and reached to push his jacket off. Adam stared back at him, allowing the action and, in turn, pulling Steve's t-shirt off over his head. The rest of their undressing was equally as slow and it was as if each was memorizing every inch of the other. When they were both naked at last, Steve cupped Adam's jaw, stroking the smooth skin as his hand strayed to the back of the man's head and pulled him close enough to kiss once more.

Steve couldn't ever remember falling so quickly for someone, particularly someone so unsuitable in far too many ways, not to mention in such an impossible situation. He _wanted_ Adam like he hadn't wanted anyone in years, and even as they gave in to the desire arcing between them and moved onto the bed, there was pain beginning behind his eyes. 

He pushed the unwanted thoughts away and concentrated on the man in his arms; in kissing and licking at his honey-toned, smooth skin; at stroking at the taut muscles and firm flesh that rose to meet him. There was nothing else worth his thoughts right now; if he could stay here in this moment, Adam might never leave.

A little while later, with Adam spread on his stomach under him, Steve ran his tongue down the man's spine, kneading at his buttocks and moving to lie between his legs. Adam breathed out an 'o' sound as Steve's tongue tickled lower, sliding wetly between his buttocks.

"I want to remember," Steve murmured against the warm skin of Adam's perfect backside, and licked lower, finding the pinkish pucker between his cheeks and stroking his tongue across it. "I need to taste every part of you."

Adam, quivering in need, raised his hips a little, and Steve plunged his tongue inside, breathing in the musky scent and savoring the sensations spiraling inside himself. His own cock ached, but he ignored it, sliding cool fingers underneath Adam to encase his erection in his whole hand as he stroked his tongue in and out of Adam.

"Steve…" Adam breathed, his voice low and pleading.

Steve pulsed his tongue a few more times, his hand not moving on the heated flesh it held. He wanted to make Adam come like this; to undo him even further, but he couldn't wait. He pulled away, rising to his knees and allowing Adam to turn under him. Meeting his desire-filled eyes, Steve couldn't manage a smile, and ducked his head, burying himself in the muskiness of the man's groin. He kissed and sucked around Adam's cock, drawing the heavy sac into his mouth for a moment as he spread Adam's knees further apart.

Adam took in an audible gulp of air at the action, one of his hands stroking into Steve's hair and clutching strands of it tightly as Steve mouthed over his balls and then slid his tongue slowly along the vein on the underside of Adam's cock. As he reached the tip and encased it in warm suction, he let his eyes meet Adam's again. The want in the dark irises was obvious and Steve's heart stuttered at the sight. 

Closing his own eyes before he could do something stupid, he took a breath through his nose and began to ease more of Adam's cock past his lips. Slowly and deliberately, and concentrating only on his breathing and the flesh moving inside his mouth, Steve kept going until his nose met the curls at the base of Adam's dick.

"My God..." Adam let out, his voice sounding strangled.

Steve wrapped his hands around Adam's buttocks, feeling the tension grow, and holding Adam at the edge for a few seconds more than the man probably wanted, Steve swallowed hard around the end of his cock. He would have smiled at the reaction if he could. Adam clenched the hand he had in Steve's hair so hard that Steve could see stars behind his still-closed lids. Adam's ass jerked, and Steve swallowed again, and then several more times as Adam lost it completely, his body spasming wildly as his hot come flooded down Steve's throat.

Unable to hold his position, Steve drew back, swallowing harshly several more times as he allowed Adam's cock to fall from his mouth. He surged upward, his own aching need making him forget all the rules he'd always kept. Before Adam had found control of his pleasure-wracked body, Steve was inside him, the only lubrication the saliva he'd left and whatever pre-come had already escaped from his unsheathed dick.

Adam didn't seem to care either; he met Steve's thrusts push for push, his hands digging into Steve's shoulders as he was drilled into. Steve felt his climax boiling up slowly, despite the speed and intensity of his movements, and he arched over Adam, holding himself up on one arm as he met Adam's eyes again at last.

Neither said a single word, but there was communication in their eyes; Steve could read everything he needed to know in the murky depths of Adam's wide-blown pupils, and the recognition of how he was feeling was evident in their reflection.

The orgasm practically cut off his breath when it hit, and Steve's shaking arm could no longer hold him. Adam's internal muscles squeezed down hard as his hands loosened, and Steve collapsed onto Adam's shaking body, his cock still deeply wedged inside the man. It throbbed like it could go hard again, and Steve wanted that – wanted the moment to last forever – though he knew it couldn't.

Adam's arms came around him, holding him close, and Steve buried his face in Adam's neck, pleasure ebbing slowly from his body as their hearts thumped in the joint rhythm of their exertion.

It was some minutes before either of them moved. 

Steve took a deep breath as Adam's hands moved on his back, opening his eyes and shifting to pull out of Adam. Moving off the bed, he didn't look back, feeling the flush of shame beginning. He knew he shouldn't have done that; not without a condom. Instead of apologizing, he went into the bathroom to dampen a towel and bring it back to clean Adam up.

Adam lay on the bed, his breathing almost back to normal. He turned as Steve entered the room, and looked at him with a partial smile. Steve gave a small smile of his own, unable to stop the way being so much of Adam's focus made him feel. He shouldn't want this so much, and he hadn't quite convinced himself it wouldn't work for them to try. He settled on the bed next to Adam's naked body and managed to meet his eyes once more.

"I shouldn't have done that; I'm sorry. Let me..." Steve gestured unevenly, and waited while Adam spread his legs enough for him to wipe between them and down his crack where Steve's come had trickled.

"You can't take all the blame. I wanted it as much."

Steve's eyes flew from where they'd been watching his own hand move to look back at Adam. He opened his mouth but nothing came out for a moment. Clearing his throat, he stood up, scrunching the towel in his hands, and finally managed, "I was tested a couple of months ago and I'm good, in case you're worried."

"I wasn't worried. I'm clean too, just so you know. Steve..." Adam shifted onto his side, looking about as nervous as Steve felt. "Come back to bed... please?" He held out a hand.

Steve couldn't help it; a flicker of hope threaded through him at the words. He nodded, tossing the towel towards the bathroom, and climbed back onto the bed, tugging the blankets up over them. He lay on his side facing Adam and they looked at each other for a few silent moments.

"You have no idea how much I wanted you the first time I saw you," Adam said at last, reaching out a hand to touch Steve's jaw. "I didn't think I stood a chance."

Steve's smile was instant and he huffed at the thought. "I think maybe I knew. I… I wanted you too. Shouldn't judge a book by its cover, huh?"

"Absolutely not." 

Adam drew nearer, wrapping a hand around the back of Steve's head and pulling him close enough to kiss. It was soft and easy and completely unlike the kisses they'd already exchanged. It made Steve's insides twist. He kissed Adam back in the same manner, and then laid his head on Adam's chest as the man rolled onto his back, listening to the steady thump of his heart. Closing his eyes, he savored the feeling of Adam's hand stroking gently through his hair and kept his silence, although there were a lot of things he wanted to say. 

The combination of the rhythmic stroking, the steady beat of Adam's heart and the post-orgasmic swirl of hormones soon had Steve drifting into sleep. He wasn't even aware of it until Adam woke him by moving.

"Sorry," Adam whispered as Steve blinked up at him. "You should go back to sleep. I have to go."

Steve drew back, letting Adam sit up, but the look in his eyes must have said something; Adam stopped and swallowed hard, looking down before meeting Steve's eyes again.

"You knew I couldn't stay. It wouldn't work, Steve."

"If..." 

Adam placed a couple of fingers against Steve's lips and shook his head.

"Don't say it. I _can't_. I have too much to go back to, and aside from this, there isn't any reason for me to stay."

Steve took a breath, sitting up and looking away. "But..."

"You can't tell me you'd give up what you have and come with me, so don't try and pretend it should be different for me." Adam's voice was soft, but there was hardness behind the words.

Steve frowned, looking back at Adam, and nodded. "You're right. Of course you're right."

"I have a flight in a few hours; I have to be at the airport soon."

Nodding, Steve dropped his eyes. Adam didn't move immediately and Steve lifted his eyes, narrowing them in query. There was a regretful smile on Adam's face and he reached out a hand, stroking along Steve's jaw and letting his eyes roam over Steve's features. Steve reached to hold the hand against his skin and closed his eyes, swallowing back the words that wanted to make their way out. There was nothing he could say that would change this; it didn't even make sense to feel the way he did.

Adam left his hand where it was for a few moments, then leaned closer and kissed Steve. It was gentle yet demanding, and Steve opened up to it, shifting his hand into Adam's hair and holding him in place as the kiss lengthened and grew more passionate. By the time Adam drew away, Steve wanted him again; was ready to lie back and let himself be taken as he'd taken Adam earlier, but Adam shook his head, moving off the bed.

"I wish we had more time," he murmured, "but I have to be on that flight."

Steve almost blurted out something foolish about changing it to a later flight, but he knew it wouldn't make any difference how much they delayed it, or how many times they made love before Adam left; it didn't change the inevitable. Instead, he nodded again, shifting to find clothes to put on as Adam dressed on the other side of the bed.

Downstairs, at the door, Adam turned back, his lips set hard but the expression in his eyes looking as disturbed as Steve felt. "If there's any way I can help with Wo Fat, you know I will."

"I know. Thank you. And if you need me... to do anything..." Steve trailed off, shoving both hands in his pockets as he studied Adam's face. He didn't want to forget a single thing about him, not that it would be possible.

Adam returned the scrutiny as if the same thing was going through his mind. "I won't forget." 

He wasn't talking about business or the search for Wo Fat this time. Steve shifted his gaze away at last, unable to keep looking at the feeling reflected in Adam's warm brown eyes; the eyes he knew he'd be seeing every time he closed his own from now on. "Neither will I," he managed with difficulty.

Adam stood there a moment or two longer but Steve couldn't look at him again, and then he was leaving, closing the door behind himself without another word. Goodbye would have been too much, in any case. 

Steve leaned on the door once it closed, closing his eyes again and holding his breath until he heard the slam of the car door and Adam drive away.

~//~ 

Steve was on the lanai, seated in an outdoor chair and staring at the dawn-streaked sky, when Danny appeared, making enough deliberate noise that Steve knew who it was before he got the first view of him in his peripheral vision.

Unmoving from where he had been sitting for the last couple of hours, Steve didn't acknowledge his presence. Danny dropped into the chair next to him and sat there silently for a few moments.

Taking a deep breath, Steve let the quiet companionship ease the pain in his chest, letting the air out again softly. Better Danny didn't speak; didn't break Steve's careful pretence that Danny didn't know anything and wouldn't have anything to say about Adam Noshimuri and the situation he couldn't possibly understand.

"He's gone," Danny said, his voice low.

Steve tilted his head so he could see Danny's expression, but he didn't meet his eyes. He wasn't sure if Danny's words were a question or not. "Are you asking or telling me?"

"After yesterday, I checked on his movements. I found out he was booked on a flight out of Honolulu about twenty minutes ago. I also happen to know that he was definitely on it."

Steve turned stony eyes onto Danny properly. "Then you'll know he has no intention of coming back."

"Steve, I-"

"I'm old enough to look after myself, Danny. I don't need you to look out for me or to check up on every person I'm involved with in case something bad happens."

Danny blinked and shook his head. "You don't consider your track record for going off on your own and getting in too deep reason enough for me to worry when you hook up with someone like Adam Noshimuri?"

"Nothing happened that I couldn't handle. I know you don't approve, Danny, but-"

"Steve," Danny cut him off. "It's not that. I just..." he stopped speaking, licking his lips and squinting out over the gradually lightening water. "I don't want you to get hurt."

Steve huffed, turning his head in the opposite direction. _Too late now_. "Why?" He looked back at Danny. "Are you seriously going to tell me that you _care_? That it doesn't bother you to find out I'm not the all-American heterosexual jock you always thought I was?"

Danny bit at his lip, dropping his eyes away to watch his hands lying on his lap. "It bothers me, but only because you didn't feel you could trust me enough to tell me the truth."

Steve scowled at the sea, shaking his head and rubbing at his neck. "You don't think I _trust_ you?"

"If you trusted me, you would have told me a long time ago. You would have told me about you and Chin." His voice lowered on the second sentence.

Unable to breathe for a second, Steve didn't answer. He hadn't expected that. 

"He told me. I couldn't figure out why he assumed you were sleeping with Adam; why he would even consider that was a possibility. It didn't make any sense. After you left without denying it yesterday, I asked him how he knew, and he explained how you'd... how the two of you got together after you came back here, before you even asked him to join Five-0."

Steve closed his eyes, his heart thumping hard. "So now you know."

"Why?" Danny asked quietly. "Why couldn't you tell me? Do you really think so little of me you assume I'm homophobic before you even give me the chance to prove otherwise?"

Opening his eyes, Steve gave Danny's earnest expression a surprised look. "I didn't know what to believe about you. I... I've lived through DADT for years, Danny. It's not something I know how to say out loud, okay? I just... I don't know." Anguish squeezed his heart and he turned away again.

"I wish you could have felt easier about saying something to me." Danny sounded pained, but Steve couldn't help him with that. "Anyway, it's not a problem. Just so you know."

"Thank you," Steve managed, looking skyward as a plane sounded in the distance. He thought of Adam on his way back to the mainland alone and swallowed hard, blinking against the distance yawning between them. 

"You care about him?" At the words, Steve gazed back at Danny, trying to judge his feelings on the matter.

"There isn't any point. It's over."

"That doesn't mean you didn't... that you have to stop... caring."

"Are you asking if I'm in love with him?" Steve asked, drawing his brows together. He wasn't sure he wanted Danny to know the answer.

"You don't have to tell me that much. I just want you to know I'm here for you if you need to talk about it."

Steve felt some of his tension ease at the reassurance, although talking about Adam wasn't something he wanted right now, if ever. "I appreciate it. I'll let you know if I do." Danny smiled at him, amused at something Steve didn't quite see. "What?"

Danny shook his head. "Nothing." He turned towards the water again, and said nothing further.

Steve had nothing to say either. He followed Danny's line of sight and tried to push the picture of Adam out of his head and see what Danny was looking at. He couldn't see whatever it was though, and his eyes glazed over as the image of Adam returned.

Danny's hand on his arm was the next thing he was aware of. Steve blinked at it and then at Danny, who was still staring out to sea like he was mesmerized. Danny squeezed his arm lightly, and finally looked back at Steve, sympathy filling his eyes. "It's gonna be okay."

Nodding, Steve decided he was right. No matter how he was feeling right now, knowing Danny was there for him made all the difference. He hadn't realized how much Danny's approval meant to him before, but he got it now; it mattered enormously.

He smiled at Danny, clapping his own hand on top of Danny's and returning the light pressure. "It will be now." 

~//~//~//~

END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who gave this fic a chance, and especially to those of you who took time to let me know what you thought; I've really appreciated your support and the valued comments! *hugs*


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